Lane Merger Gifts

Learner driver about to merge into eight lanes of traffic.

"If you still don't know how to merge your vehicle properly, play with a zipper for a few hours and you'll figure it out."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

Aftermath: Hostile Takeover,

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

"I always cry at mergers."

'Our first mistake was hiring an honest accounting firm.'

"And here you see where we successfully concluded the merger to everyone's mutual benefit."

'A merger will enable us to have more people to blame.'

"I was able to negotiate it from a hostile takeover to an uneasy alliance."

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

Okay, let's see...who's on tap to update our progress with that hostile takeover?

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived