Lactose Luminary Gifts

'I think I may be lactose intolerant.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

James Russell Lowell

Leonard Cohen.

Algernon Swinburne

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Then it's agreed. It doesn't have to rhyme.'

Beet Poet

Support your local bookstore

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

"I'm pretty sure the word you've used to describe the new Scrabble isn't allowed."

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"The Bolsons are pleased to announce that their daughter, Naomi,is going to take another shot at marriage."

"It takes more to be a super accountant that you were a 'super accountant man' costume."

I'm not lactose intolerant. In fact, some of my best friends are disaccharide sugars.

New Milks

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

Cheese maker

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

"This increase in lactose-intolerant people is good for us: We can sell more milk..."

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

'The first step, Walter, is admitting that you're an internet addict.'

'You fight the Gluten Hordes, make your way through the Peanut Fields, battle the Lactose King...'

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

Where do you draw the line? Goat milk. Goat cheese. Goat ice cream.