Lactose Loather T-Shirts

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

Separation Anxiety

"How are we on bread?"

I bake my own bread.

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'I like doing shampoos, it gets your hands clean.'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

'I think I may be lactose intolerant.'

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Lactose is Good. Lactose intolerance isn't something you protest against, Ernie.

Baking Bread

"I hate having to wash my smalls."

"To truly reap the meditative benefits of lockdown baking, you have to mindfully eat it all afterwards."

'I've tried giving him lots of E numbers - but still nothing...!'

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

I'm bored! Buck up! Enduring boredom prepares you for college lectures, political speeches and public television. Not to mention � It�s the key to so many successful marriages. I can't wait.

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

Surreal Time Keeping

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Beauty School Drop Outs

'The conformity doesn't bother me, but sorting the laundry is hell.'

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I should have known - I hate the beach."

"I'm not really driven. A dead-end job would be fine."

Wash Cycles.

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"I'm just here to complain about the length of this line."

Hey, Iron Man, can you get these wrinkles out of my cape?