Lactose Laugh Lover T-Shirts

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

Hip Operation

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

Laugh break