Lactose Loather Pillows

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

Separation Anxiety

"How are we on bread?"

I bake my own bread.

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'I like doing shampoos, it gets your hands clean.'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

'I think I may be lactose intolerant.'

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Baking Bread

"I hate having to wash my smalls."

"To truly reap the meditative benefits of lockdown baking, you have to mindfully eat it all afterwards."

'I've tried giving him lots of E numbers - but still nothing...!'

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'The conformity doesn't bother me, but sorting the laundry is hell.'

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I should have known - I hate the beach."

"I'm not really driven. A dead-end job would be fine."

Wash Cycles.

"I'm just here to complain about the length of this line."