Laboratory Lampoonists Pillows

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

"I thought you wanted me to change."

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

'Catch this!'

Happy Bifurcation Day,

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

Frankenfish

Bacterial Cultural Center

'Dude, that big creepy eye is back.'

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

DNA Xmas.

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

You inserted donkey DNA into an insect? I made a braying mantis!

Bacterial Culture

"Blast it, Perkins, not again!"

Dr. Prebish didn't always fit in with the other scientists.

"Whoa, whoa – for all I know you contaminated the sample."

"I think we've been wasting out time testing phones on rats. We already know phones are addictive."

"You say genetically modified po-tay-to, I say genetically modified po-tah-to."

Laboratory- risk assessor

Ape Lab. Really?! Those guys are going to test our intelligence?! They want to see if we'll use a ladder to get the banana. They say they're testing our problem-solving ability. Hey, Frank, we can't do the experiment today ... The ladder won't fit through the doorway!

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

'Here's the problem, sir. This isn't blood in your veins. It's red ink.'

'Whine, whine, whine!' You know what your problem is, Baxter? You're not a team player!'

'Yes, Sir, I'm still testing the new truth serum. I slept with your wife.'