Kitchen Klutz Gifts

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'Even the dog wouldn't eat my homework.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'Your breakfast in bed is on the kitchen ceiling, Mum.'

Secret Family Recipe for Disaster.

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

"When you say "Someone doesn't know how to put a paper towel over a bowl of chili to re-heat in the nuker", I know you mean me."

'Oops! Almost spilt some in the food.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

"Not steak again. I haven't outworn last weeks yet!"

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'Sorry, folks, but the Peach Flambé has been removed from the menu!'

". . . A slight change in the menu, folks. . . tonight's special will be blackened chicken!"

'Seeing as Dad's cooking tonight, I think it's a good idea to keep the stomach pump handy.'

"For God's sake, how long's that been there?"

'The gravy turned out a bit thick.'

'A misprint in my wife's cookbook - What did YOU die of?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Boiled water. And you said I couldn't do it."

"I couldn't get any smoked haddock, so I got fish fingers and stuck some fags in them."

'I'm finally done washing the dishes.'

'I tried to find out if I could toast bread with the sun bed and fell asleep...!'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Er, how long did you say you had been teaching Home Economics, Miss Jones?'

'Will open jars for food.'

These scramble eggs are a tad crunchy. Did you leave the shells on again, Darling?