Kitchen Klutzes Gifts

'Working from home I've found the most hazardous machine to be the refrigerator.'

"I'm just cutting out the middle man."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"On. More. Try."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."