Kitchen Humorists Pillows

Through sheer willpower, Ben achieved his dream of becoming a butter knife.

'I don't know why the son of a woman whose cooking melts in your mouth needs strong teeth.'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'Mom Can't talk now - She's hitting the bottle.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

A Club Sandwitch.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'It's all homemade.'

Chef copy robot