Kitchen Humor Fan Gifts

"I'd like to impress my girlfriend's parents."

"Mmm. The soup du jour is not cream of mushroom. It is not tomato or celery, it is not chicken, nor is it Scotch broth. It is most definitely not won ton..."

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Filet minion

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I was in the catering corps.'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Cook and her Maids

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Amy Sedaris

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Avocado Timeline

'He's all eyes!'

The secret lives of household things.

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Decaying corpse

"It'll never be ready in time."

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"