Kitchen Escapists T-Shirts

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

I made you a cake!

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

The Inexperienced Cook

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Time for pancakes!

'If they rise they're scones. If not they're pancakes.'

Mrs Jones's fish pie could be smelt for miles around!

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"Just remember...the main ingredient in all my dishes is love."

'You made me jump,'

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

"Namaste."

"The toaster is broken again, sweetheart."

But I followed the recipe exactly.

Summer Holiday activities the whole family will love.

"You were supposed to have invented fire!"

Egg Surprise

'I don't care what the timer says - my nose says they're done.'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."