Kitchen Decorator T-Shirts

'Every traditional country kitchen needs an aga like this... It's perfect for keeping the microwave in.'

'Sonya really hates cooking!'

'Too many fridge magnets.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

Unfinished Funiture Store.

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

You're the icing on my cupcake!

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Leda knew it was serious when the visited Ikea together.

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'