Kitchen Decorator Gifts

'Every traditional country kitchen needs an aga like this... It's perfect for keeping the microwave in.'

'Sonya really hates cooking!'

'Too many fridge magnets.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Unfinished Funiture Store.

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

You're the icing on my cupcake!

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

"I'm starting to think stripes."

I'm starting to think our new hardwood floor is made of driftwood.

Face Painting.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'