Kitchen Comrade Gifts

Why do you always get to ash and I always have to dry?

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Cook and Octopus

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

You're the puff in my pastry!

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

"Bad dog."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Baker Romance

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.