Kitchen Comic Gifts

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Chicken: Free Range/Long Range

''Take with water', 'Take with food'. Don't we have one that says take with bourbon'?'

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

"Since I started vaping, I've completely given up tea."

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

'I'm sorry, I seem to have taken a wrong turning somewhere on the electronic information super-highway.'

"You think we've got it tough, what about my brother Lenny?"

Punch Bowl

"How's your diet going?"

"Eggs, eggs, eggs...that Delia Smith's ruining my life."

Break glass in case he mentions your weight.

Flour pot, sugar pot, tea pot, pot.

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Meredith, I'm ho-ome! Mmmm... What're you cookin', Sweetie? Smells delish!

A mouse pops out of a toaster

Mother with meal for one - "The packaging is edible but the contents aren't."

"I auditioned for a part in a veggie medley, and I've got a really good feeling about it."

Chicken's in prison and about to be cooked

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Your antidepressants are in the oven.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Like death by salad.'

Night of the Latkes

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"