Kitchen Comrade T-Shirts

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Cook and Octopus

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

You're the puff in my pastry!

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"You're the lid to my pot."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

"Bad dog."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Baker Romance

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

Salt and Pepper

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."