Kitchen Calamity King T-Shirts

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Bake off: Flan B

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

The new microwave has been a great time-saver for Monica, she can burn dinner and still have plenty of time to make restaurant reservations

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

Smoke gets in your eyes.

All sizzle and no roast

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'I told you she is a bad cook - that's just defrosting the chips.'

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'