Kitchen Calamity Crusader Gifts

The new microwave has been a great time-saver for Monica, she can burn dinner and still have plenty of time to make restaurant reservations

You're the puff in my pastry!

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

Roasted

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

Bake off: Flan B

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

Access Denied!

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

No matter your skills, there's something you can volunteer to do.

"It's cold outside. You're not going anywhere without your oven mitts!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

'Come over here and nag me, I'm homesick.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

'There's a pork roast in the oven and a casserole in the microwave....two minutes on high.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.