Kitchen Assistant T-Shirts

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Counting ribs

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"You're the lid to my pot."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Kitchen Kapers

Too much cilantro

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

Lockdown casserole

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Salt and Pepper

'Cooking'

Chef copy robot

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

The Perfect Foil

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."