Kit Kitchen King T-Shirts

"I get a fresh food kit delivered for lunch. All I need to do is chop, cook, and enjoy!"

Counting ribs

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Take me to your Larder!"

Too much cilantro

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

Salt and Pepper

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

Sweet surprise.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

The Perfect Foil

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"I'm unable to process this image."

The Inexperienced Cook

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Will work for Food Network.

The secret lives of household things.

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

'My mom bakes from scratch -- she's a full-service mom.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'