King Kong Fan T-Shirts

"Makes me wish I'd kept that gorilla suit."

You pet monkey saw King Kong and now he has a crush on me. He's pawing at me, and kissing me. It's easily one of the grossest things ever. Totally sickeningly gross … And kind of cute. Oh dear.

'They're finally taking me seriously.'

Overjumpers

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Missing You.

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

S.P.F. 1,000

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Queen Kong

Cat king.

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Reign Man

Happy birthday Darling!

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'... But of course, if there's something more interesting outside.'

Beefeater

"Can you perform under pressure?"

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

Pizza Shard

"Your Majesty, this learned committee has done deep research on the subject, and we have come to one conclusion: queens often marry down."

'While we're at it - let's cruise the Bahamas!'

"...and finally..."

'It's my feature wall.'

London Gin Company Limited - By Appointment to Queen Mother

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

"Brrr! Lucky you, growing your own blanket!"

'Time gentlemen please. Come on, don't you have any kingdoms to go to? ! '

Misfortune cookies

"So the knight married the damsel and they lived not-unhappily ever-after, though the knight regretted not having slain a few more dragons in his prime."

"Lucky I was able to find all you guys close to my house."

"Dang! This guy's good!"

Jack Russell fails to make the cut for a basketball team.

"You there, serf Mike, have you seen my charger?"