Kid Haters Club Pillows

'Another day another dollar Maurice, but boy do I hate kids!'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

End the Winter Blues

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You calm down."

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Telekinetics on strike...

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

"Is your dog friendly?"

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

Before he was taken away, Dr. Stuart Trust was the last known doctor to make HOUSE CALLS.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

War of Words

"This is a ritzy ski report - it's all fake snow."