Kid Activity Overseer Pillows

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

'Last chance to break my leg! I mean, ski this run!'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

Maypole

'None of the other things had instructions.'

Turn Down For What.

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

'To err is human, but to forgive is unusual.'

'Don't mention Law & Order.. I'm all Law.'

'Bill, I like the way you handle responsibility so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Say, 'when'...Hello?...Guys?..."

"I really hate to do this at work, but would you like to buy a candy bar to help support my kids' school activities?"

"I downloaded the Laugh Track app yo soften mom when I give her my lame excuse."

'We will fill in that space after we hear what you have in mind for summer vacation!'

Boss sitting in an umpire chair to watch his employees.

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

'We were playing mothers and fathers and I forgot our wedding anniversary.'

"Wake up Mom! It's the first day of spring break and I'm bored."

"I can speak with Billy now, Susan. While I'm thinking about it... order me another file cabinet."

"Have your grandchildren been visiting again, Cora?"

'For heaven's sake, couldn't you have spelled it out?'

"Tonight's homework...scatter some Legos on the floor, turn out the lights and try to make it across the room."

The public and private lives of a football steward

Bathtime

"I'm running for mayor, senator and school board!"