Kick-off Artist Pillows

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'Champions league'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

Punishment for the kicker.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

'In case the guys organize a game.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

...Another second closer to kick-off....another second..

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Bernie Sanders

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

'Wanna help make sure we don't become an endangered species?'

'You're probably just trying to get our attention, son, and believe me, you've succeeded in a big,big way.'

Hi-I'm Dave. Hi-I'm off limits.

The Motives of Footballers

'I don't understand - he's just as strong as ever.'

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

'Boss, come here quick!'

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

Boy finds a real foot in his Christmas stocking.

"The local karate club must be fund raising again."

"I'm a breast and leg man, myself!"

Closing time, and a man and a woman are checking each other out across the bar: 'Slim pickings.' 'Fat chance.'

"Hi. Obviously, I'm betting everything on the watch."

'Have you noticed, he's all left hook?'

"Well, goodbye, Emily. It's May 19th. You may remember my having mentioned some time ago that I was going to leave you on May 19th."

JimmyFest 2006

Tae Kwon Bull.

"Hand me a number eight iron."

Football