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What to serve to meet most dietary restrictions

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

You're the puff in my pastry!

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Back to work...

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

You've Had Enough!

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

A dog at the bakery.

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

"It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute."

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

Coffee Shop and Battery Charging Station

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"Please buddy, can you spare a carbon credit?"

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

I am coffee and I need more coffee

Dogs and Cake

"Tell me the truth. . . what happens to all the leftover cake scraps in The Great British Baking Show?"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

"One slice—hold the bread."

'Just how much carbon are we supposed to offset?'

No matter your skills, there's something you can volunteer to do.

'I wonder if everyone else is making as much effort as us to reduce global warming.'

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

'Come over here and nag me, I'm homesick.'