Kendo Pillows

Pub Kendo.

Tartine

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

Pope tarts.

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

'How would you like your toast?'

'We had to donwsize.'

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

Second aid

The Fab Four

Meanwhile at the Cafe de la Mort...

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Food van driving through an office.

'Greatest Hits Compilations not yet turned into a terrible Ben Elton show.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."