Kiddo Professor Pillows

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

Dog training

"I did not ram Preston Sturges down their throats."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

K-9 Garten

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

Benjamin Franklin

When scientists come out of retirement.

'I'm trying for steelhead.'

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

How to make Easter special for the kids. . .

Maureen Paula O'Sullivan caricature

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

Keep students on their toes...

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

Discipline at Doggy School

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?" "A Fsh."

UK Censors Office...

'I won't be coming in again - my dad's set up a free school in his shed.'