Justice Department Official Gifts

The Likeable Torturer

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Bambridge on Trial for Murder.

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

He's under house arrest. Police Line. Do Not Cross.

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judge

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

"I suppose you're like me, only signed up for the free uniform."

"Never forget...if you bend a law enough, it becomes a loophole!"

'Your honor, my client claims he's too poor to hire an attorney, pre-trial publicity counsel, and book agent.'

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Containment Cops

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

The hazards of an Alaskan spring - "Court adjurned for 3 months."

Judicial Restraint

Oliver Twist - Oliver,with the Pickpocketing Artful Dodger's Mode

Could Be Worse