Junky Gourmet Prints

'While Mom's away Dad will be feeding us from the four major food groups: Canned, Frozen, Fast and Junk.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

'Pigs feet, sir? 'ARE THEY PICKLED?'

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'It's her signature dish.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

"This can't be soup....where are all the little letters that usually float in it?"

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

Chinese Novel Cookie

"And for dessert we offer death by chocolate, after life sponge, or the damned for eternity tart."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"I eat the genetically modified flounder all the time and it's delicious."

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'I forgot to bring my lunch - could I clone yours?'

"Let me guess. You want a happy meal."

Popular methods for getting the check

'Hoopla!'

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

'Better than fresh - everything is irradiated.'