Junker Aficionado Gifts

'Herbert, don't you think it's time to buy a new car?'

"Why do they do that?"

What's normal?

Back to school.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

Giraffe Portrait

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

Jester

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'How about that? -- Lady Godiva got a bouffant!'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

What could have been quite possibly the most hilarious dog joke ever is interrupted by. . . 'So I said, that's no bone, that's my. . . squirrel!'

Another reason why a high school diploma is not enough.

Party Party!

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

Today, we'll talk with Professor Ernie about some lesser known units of measurement. Let's start with the "light-year." A 'light-year" is a unit of time measuring how long somebody stays on their diet. In most cases, it's counted in small fractions. No, a light year is a unit of length equal to the distance light travels in a year, about six trillion miles. What about the "angstrom"? The "angstrom" is a measurement of anxiety levels! Incorrect again. It's another unit of length --- It's

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Clown in supermarket looking at a tin of Canned Laughter.

"So, I said to the lion, 'You want proof laughter ensures emotional health?... Ever seen a hyena in therapy?!'"

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Wait a minute, this guy is missing a head Oh jeez, we're totally gonna crash,'