Jungle Lovers Gifts

'It's amazing how quiet the jungle has been since Tarzan lost his voice...'

"We've had complaints from the local residents regarding nuisance calls."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'It's hard to believe this is just an atrium.'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

Jungle Games

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

"Tarzan no want computer."

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

tiger strangling snakes

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

Leopards do change their spots

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Ooga says we're descended from people!'

'Just because they're afraid of you, it doesn't mean they don't like you.'

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

'I'll count to ten thousand: Go and hide...'

'Don't worry, it's safe to come between us: He's not my kid...'

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

'Will it thrive on light from a TV?'

"I just want to get back into the swing of things."

"You'll have to cut back that climber now that it's pulled down the TV aerial!"

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Reality Bites

'I'd love to help you guys, but I've got it pretty good here. I protect them and they throw me their sick and occasionally the odd jerk they want rid of.'

'Tarzan'