Jovian Jokester Pillows

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

Fleas Navidad.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Merry Christmas"

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Men dancing

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"I think Baxter needs a break."

Elf of the Month

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.