Jovial Grocery Shopper Pillows

10 Items or Less. Express Only. Don't worry --- I plan to pay for them ten at a time.

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Friendly bacteria

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Complex Carbs

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Eye of Newt Helper

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

Birthday Party Supplies: Plates, Cups, Decorations, Games, Aspirin, Ibuprofen.

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

Low income vampires.

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

"Today is catch-your-own day."

'I don't understand how our grocery prices have inflated 15% yet you've inflated 25%'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Beverages. Drinking Water. (Some Assembly Required.) Oxygen. Hydrogen.

Christmas food.

"OMG! I've bought wine instead of milk...again!"

Fish counter: sole/solemate.

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

"This is it! The perfect turkey!"

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Free sample stand in food market.