Jolly Financier Pillows

'With all your exports, the North Pole must have a really bad trade imbalance.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

Santa Playing the Piano

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'First I'd like to remind you of the true meaning of christmas - profits.'

Ed becomes fully vested in his company's retirement plan.

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'

"Run for your lives! It's one of those sovereign wealth funds."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

'He's our newest recruit, a specialist in multi-jurisdictional consumer products..'

'I can't talk now. I'm in the annual meeting.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"Oh that, that's our dealing room."

"So, you're claiming 32 million gifts as a legitimate business expense."

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'Would you prefer your paycheck be sent directly to you oil dealer, your mortgage holder or health insurance provider?'

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'