Joking About Mental Health Gifts

'You have mild depression -- I'm writing you a prescription for lunch at 'Hooters.''

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Psychobabbling brook.

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

Fakir Shrink.

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

Psychobabble.

Shrink's Summer Job

"Westwood psychiatric group... How may I direct your cry for help?"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

'Maybe all I really need is a hug.'

'It's paranoia, but a very benign form - he thinks Al Gore is out to get him.'

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Well - the layman's terminology for your condition is 'nutty as an acorn''

Psychologist warns patient about his fish. 'Careful...the gold one is passive-aggressive.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."