Jokesters About Money And Happiness Pillows

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

I can't believe It!

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

Luck of the IRS.

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

'I wish I had my money back...'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'

'I just got a profit warning from my blood circulation!'

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

"Intraday I was really drunk."

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'What have we got to lose? She says she'll turn every toxic asset in Britain into 12 year old malt Scotch.'

IRS Bloodsuckers.

'Hunting and gathering isn't very profitable. Let's invent IPO's.'