Jokesters About Money And Happiness Pillows

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

I can't believe It!

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

'I wish I had my money back...'

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'

IRS Bloodsuckers.

'What have we got to lose? She says she'll turn every toxic asset in Britain into 12 year old malt Scotch.'

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

'I just got a profit warning from my blood circulation!'

"Intraday I was really drunk."

'Hunting and gathering isn't very profitable. Let's invent IPO's.'

"Our checks bounced again."