Jokester Of The Season Pillows

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

Blitzen isn't feeling well, so Mary Poppins agreed to fill in for him.

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

Santa Elevator

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Uh oh. The almanac indicates an early fall - here's a back-to-school on page one!"

Minnesota Weather.

"Brandy, coffee, decaf, herb tea, or cran-apple?"

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

Two Weeks to Turkey Day. Now, Ernie, you know "Turkey Day" refers to Thanksgiving and not election day.

'Just what I wanted. Not!'

Deck the halls with boughs of challah...

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

Holiday: Been there done it!