Jokester Of The Fairway Gifts

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

Cleaning the Horse

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

No Hand Signals

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Queen Elizabeth 2. Yankees ). I told you they wouldn't think it was funny.

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

"That was a stupid place to put the lawn mowings."

Ace Novelties

Jurassic Par.

'Vodka!'

'As soon as the ball reaches the green, I swoop down and steal it: I just love the look on their faces!'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

'The men are wondering...If we knock up four power stations this week, can we have next week off...?'

The game requires no great physical strength...

"I'm taking my ball home."

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'You know the rules Fanshawe ----both bloody feet on the floor'

'I don't care that you slept with him, Clare, buy how dare you laugh at his jokes!'

Goalie with oversized gloves.

'Finally I experienced runner's high. I put scotch in the water bottle.'

'Water hazards are no problem if you play golf in the winter.'

'Now that should make it a bit easier.'

'Does it have a little red dot on it?'