Jokes And Humor Aficionado Gifts

"...finally it says 'If you violate the copyright of this material, the mummy's curse will on your head.'"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Police Feline Unit

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Zombie standup

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"Why do they do that?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Love at First Sight

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Easter Island legs

"Cat box"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.