Joke-telling Wizard Pillows

Cards: Get Well Get hit by a Bus

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Backfire

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

Shampoo.

How about going easy on the carbs

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

Giraffe wanders into Lion country.

"It's good news, Mrs Fenton - Your laughter is no longer infectious!"

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'I'm not being funny, right, but ...'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"Why can't you evolve into something I can be proud of?:"

'What's that funny smell?'