Joke-loving Health Nut Gifts

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."