Satirical Health Nut Gifts

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'My feet are killing me.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

How about going easy on the carbs

Advocado

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

All Natural Nothing

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Steamed vegetables."

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

At the market

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"And what do you do to maintain your cardiovascular fitness, Miss Holt?"

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

Exercise now!