Joke-loving Health Nut Prints

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'I'll take #1.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."