Joke Appreciator Gifts

Dermatologist: Rash decisions made here.

'In retrospect, maybe we should have spent a little more on R&D.'

'There's been an accident down at the plant.'

'I'm telling you Thog, we're living in a golden age for culture.'

'Bless you.'

"Sorry, where did you say you were from again?"

Does our driver's performance meet with your approval? If not, his mother can be reached at (718) 555-7403.

'I guess I should have taken my golf course more seriously when they said they were cracking down on slow play.'

"What happens to old economists?"

"I worked my whole career to get a chair, and this is it?!"

'Well, if it is a short circuit, I guess the easiest thing to do is lengthen it.'

Restrooms.

"That was fun. Let's do it all again in three weeks."

'You say you're in for perjury, eh? -- Why should I believe that?'

'So I charged a few billion gifts last year. I was going to pay it later.'

'...But first, check out the ham sandwich I had for lunch.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"And it turned out that the e-mail I binned really was from a Nigerian oil millionaire wanting to give me ?200 million."

Crack-Be-Gone!

'Go for the 'Chef's Surprise.' It's ham salad I made fresh last week.'

Trump Comes Clean: "Just a Joke, Folks"

"Hi. I'm in here for identity theft."

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mable, the doctor said that Timmy is 'autistic', not artistic.'

'Will you get your mind out of the gutter!'

Corrupt Mop

You know you can't return it. Mother had a GPS microchip sewn into the lining.

Small dairy farmers have no future.

"You'll be lucky! It's the cup final tomrrow"

Center of Gravity - stay back.

"Oooooo, …. A pillow!"

"...according to my records Tomkins, this is your grandmother's seventh funeral."

'It's a wheel - my other invention is a computer system for RBS.'

"A simple 'NAY' will suffice, Gransby, instead of 'Oh HELL no.'"

'It hurts when I smile.'