Joining The Nhs Gifts

'Let us through! We're junior doctors!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

No Elgar!

Theorbo

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'That's the diagnosis of my diagnostic desktop. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my diagnostic tablet.'

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

survival of the fittest

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Global sum will increase by just 92p per patient

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

'Let me though! - I'm a Doctor.'

Annexe 8

"We're striking for minimum levels of service."

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

Violinist

'Please become a NHS dentist!'

GPs Face Monitoring Over Sick Note Levels

'The principle of setting higher targets is practical, imaginative and likely to work...but the idea has one major flaw.'

Useless government guidelines