Joining Mission Trip Gifts

Fred noticed the mission trip list was different from when he was a youth.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"I'm saving you with this booklet about the Kingdom of Heaven."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Well, can we leave some of our literature with you?"

"What are we doing wrong?"

"How long has he been missing?"

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

"Do I look like I need rescuing?"

"Have I found Jesus? I didn't know he was missing!!"

There were times when Ralph wished god didn't move in such mysterious ways.

"As you've arrived from outside Mars airspace, you'll need to quarantine for ten days..."

"Your covers been blown 007....you'll have to be called 008 from now on."

The whole ambience of the research trip was ruined by Harold's squeaky boots!

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

"Oh that's a missionary school."

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

'At least we're doing our part to bring an end to world hunger.'

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

'This tape will self destruct in 5 seconds. If it doesn't, please stomp on it a few times.'

"Seems another philanthropist has beaten us here."

'If it gets out that we missed Mars by 150 million miles, we're in deep doo-doo! Would you mind wearing these costumes for a brief video?'

"I'm off to save the whales."

'But enough about me...What brings you folks to Polynesia?'

Dr Livingstone

church