Jocular Jabs Pillows

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Little help?"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

Poisson d'Avril!

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

A Pirate at the Opticians.

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'Silicone implant ward.'

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

John's Laser Shop and Eye Patches 4 U Shops

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'Oh look Dave. Mother's bought us a lovely new pair of matching towels! '

'This is my primary place of doing business, although I do sometimes do it on my neighbor's lawn.'

'I'm very impressed with your new butler, Charles. He carries himself well.' (A butler carrying himself in the air).

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

Shadow: I'm with stupid.

'Do you know what speed you were doing Sir? Could I see your tax and insurance, and is all this stuff in the back yours?'

"Why are we getting 'Old Spooky' spectacles for his birthday?" -- "So he can read his correct date of birth!!"

"We don't waste any part of the deer and that includes the testicles."

Betty had a history of inappropriate and insensitive type comments at Christmas. . .

Senior tennis player having a tennis-oriented vision check-up.