Job Title Joker Pillows

"I find it's better to tell people you're a crossing guard rather than say you're involved in human trafficking."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'How about a game of cards?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Get crazy once in a while

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Now you can send it."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."