Job Seeker Juggling Family Pillows

'What a pleasant surprise! I see by your resume that you're my mother-in-law.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"It's a GPS for busy executive mom. It tells you if your coming or going and when you'll get there!"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Still having problems finding day care?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

Working Moms

Employment demands

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Be there in a sec, darling. I just want to touch base with Tiffany."

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'Mr. Ainsley, this is my beloved son Jarrod. He's four or five.'

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

What sort of job are you after?

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

"Listen to me, John. Tell them this is our final offer."

'I didn't bring a resume.. I brought coffee and donuts!'

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."