Job Safety Pillows

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

"And why exactly did you quit your job as a chainsaw salesman, Mr. Shloompf?"

Wally earns big buck stuffing envelopes at home!

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Baby on board.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"We need a union!'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'